“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but what you heard is not what I meant.”

Eric was perplexed.  He thought he’d considered every suggestion Janet had made with regard to the Arnold project. Yet, in the project review meeting with her one morning, she seemed irritated.  She insisted that he wasn’t being cooperative, wasn’t paying attention to her recommendations, and was causing the project to fall behind schedule.  When Eric tried to explain the decisions he’d made and the actions he’d taken, Janet folded her arms, glared, and informed him that she’d already told him exactly what to do for the project and as far as she was concerned, Eric had ignored all of her instructions.

It was growing increasingly apparent that their work was suffering because of the differences in communication styles. What Eric perceived as mere suggestions, Janet considered non-negotiable directives. Without a clear understanding of these differences, their working relationship-along with their work-would continue to suffer.

Whether personally or professionally, discovering and understanding the best way to meet the communication needs of others is critical for effective interactions. Breakdowns occur when communication styles clash and needs go unmet.

Understanding your own communication style and needs is often the first step in bridging the communication gap with others. 

Take a moment to consider the following:

1. How do you prefer to be talked to?

2. What style of communication from others makes you uncomfortable?

3. What style of communication from others brings out the best in you?

After sharing your responses, don’t be afraid to ask others for their responses to these three questions. After all, effective communication begins with understanding.

^{“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”}

^{-Henry Ford}

^{On John's very first day on the job at a large organization, he found several files waiting for him on his desk, no explanation, no instructions.  He sat for hours going through them trying to figure out what he was supposed to do.  The very brief visit by his new boss later that day was no help at all.}

^{“Take care of the projects outlined in the files,” his new employer said, then added casually, “And I need them completed by the end of the week.”}

^{John spent days working on the files, desperately trying to make sense of them.  He tried approaching his manager many times for answers but was repeatedly waved away and told to “figure it out.” Being a diligent worker, and used to performing well and producing great results, John couldn’t help but be discouraged by the situation.  In fact, after only a few weeks, John decided to quit his job.}

His manager was shocked.  The man disliked structure of any kind and thrived on deadlines.  He couldn’t relate to John’s need for context and organization. The two parted ways, both realizing too late that their working relationship had been a bad fit from the start.     

^{When there is a failure to learn how to work with one another, problems inevitably arise.  Sometimes issues take a while to surface; sometimes the impact is immediate.  Either way, the result is not only wasted time and energy, but frustration.} 

The ability to work effectively with others is critical to the success of any organization.  It’s also extremely important to an individual’s success.

^{Are you performing at your best?  Are you able to perform at your best?}

^{Consider the following:}

1.     What is your communication style?

^{2.     What incentivizes you?  What motivates you?}

^{3.     What are the biggest mistakes others can make with you?}

Nothing will have a more significant impact on your ability to do well in the workplace than a greater understanding of your own needs and the needs of others.